waking up cold: alright I need more blankies
waking up hot: covers thrown everywhere. sweat behind the kneecaps. 3 dead. the pillow is the sun. critical condition.
The difference between period pains and getting kicked in the balls is that one is a compulsory monthly event and the other one is probably because you were being a dick.
So my family stayed at my aunt’s beach house last weekend and
a Harry Potter-themed
in the cupboard under the stairs
So I accidentally said, “my crotch has a hole in it.” Instead of “my pants have a hole in them.” And this guy looked me dead in the eyes and whispered
"It’s called a vagina."